Mostly Proper.

new journey.

mostlyproper — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:10:25 +0000

I really did think about posting so many things, but I fell victim to the usual pattern of 1) think of amazing hilarious topic to write about while at work 2) realize i can’t post at work, but decline to write down said topic on a sheet of paper for later use. Why don’t jot things down has never been made clear to me 3) forget about blog altogether and because of terrible decisions to watch action movie classics (think under seige, broken arrow, etc) on tv.

Yes its a vicious cycle that I’m hoping to break, mainly because I most times have nothing better to do. This time however, will be different (i’ve probably said that thousands of times). I’ve decided to begin a new journey in my life and join a crossfit gym. I’ve made half hearted attempts to get in shape in the past, and have gotten half hearted results. This will be different, for one the price to join the gym demands it (its pretty expensive), and two i’ve got a lot of weddings coming up and plan to upstage the groom at all of them.

I decided crossfit for a few reasons, the main one being a guy i work with swears by it, and invited me to some of the free workouts. They were unbelievably tough, leaving me unable to move the next day, and I loved it. They don’t promise 6 minute abs or anything like that, it promises that your hard work will pay off. I also decided that if i’m going to do this, i’m going all in, that means eating as paleo as possible, and keeping an online account of my progress. I’m hoping this online accountability will keep me pushing myself harder and striving to be better, I’m also hoping now that I have a constant subject matter to write about that I wont fall into the cycle described previously.

Cracking the christian code

mostlyproper — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 02:38:45 +0000

Christians talk in code, all of us. You can tell in the songs we sing, they all have essentially the same message, just a different way of saying it. We’re very good at hiding our true meaning in euphemisms and codes that I have tried my best to decipher.

“How is your community” —-> “who are your drinking buddies”

“We should be accountability partners” —–> “Please tell me your gossip”

“I don’t think he’s pursuing me well enough” —–> “I wish he would call me”

“I’ll pray for you” —-> “I really have nothing else to say”

“We’re just hanging out” —-> “This is how we side step the secular term “casually dating” “

“I don’t think God’s telling me to date her right now” —–> “I lost interest”

“What has God been teaching you lately?” —-> “Do you read your bible more than me?”

and one of my favorites:

“How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“How are you REALLY doing?”

more to come later.

New Years Resolutions

mostlyproper — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:39:59 +0000

List making is the lowest common denominator of blogging. Its such a cop out move, albeit my favorite way to express things. So while I’m trying to be better at sharing what I find to be hilarious musings that sometimes don’t fall within the 140 character twitter limit, I cannot promise this will be “quality over quantity”, at the same time I can’t promise it will be “quantity over quality”, it might very well be low quality, but in limited amounts. And (see what I mean, one should never start a sentence with a conjunction) while I just bashed list making in my first sentence, I’m here to tell you that this blog was almost called “listly proper”, because surely I have a certain affinity for lists.

Without further ado:

My very real New Years Resolutions:

1. Get back to my 3rd grade weight of 95 lbs. I was more or less peaked in 3rd grade, followed by a downward trending “coolness” with a momentary peak again in 8th grade (weight of 106 lbs). What do both of those ages have in common? You guessed it, being within 6% of 100 lbs.

2. Swing from a chandelier – i think this speaks for itself

3. convince my sister to have a baby – really i just want to be an uncle and dress up said kid in costumes that they don’t understand. I mean how funny are pets and babies dressed up in halloween costumes? Answer: very.

4. Stop filtering what I say – because I’m told by too many people that I “don’t cross the line” enough. Whatever that means.

5. Order a pizza from dominoes, use the online tracker and trash talk the driver when he arrives with things like “what the heck man you left 20 minutes ago”

6. Be more careful where I steal jokes from. The onion , someecards are now off limits, so is Steve Martin’s twitter, whitegirlproblems, and Bill Simmons.

7. Make a real new years resolution list that I will subsequently abandon 3 weeks later.

Q&A Session

mostlyproper — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 03:47:24 +0000

Question: What’s the combined (not average) mpg of both me and my roommates cars?

Answer: 24 mpg.

Question: What things does my dog Shultz try to attack while on walks?

Answer: People on bikes, black people, mailmen, people that would dare walk within 30 yards of us, other dogs, and cats.

Question: How many of your friends are getting married this year?

Answer: Apparently all of them

Witness.

mostlyproper — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 22:57:29 +0000

For the 5 people on the internet that haven’t seen this.